We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
