I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
