im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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