I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
