Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
