Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
