We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
