Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's even glitter on my cock...
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