Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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