I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
