sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
