i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
