After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
