the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
