wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
