Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
