Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
