I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
