I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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