you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
