That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
