I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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