Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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