He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
