May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
