Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
