Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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