The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
