Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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