Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
