i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize