peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
