Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
