i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
