what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
