Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
