forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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