Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
