Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
