did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish you could order shots online.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
