Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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