Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
