Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
