I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
