if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
