I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize