Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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