you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Everyone says I win the strip club
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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