it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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