Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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