i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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