I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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