I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
