Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I touched a dick in church today
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
