Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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