Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
