The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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