You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
