When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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