I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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