I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
