Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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