I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
