i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
