Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
