Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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