Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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