Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
