i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
vagina is talking i cant
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
