I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
