look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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