I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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