I CAN MOONWALK!
from now on my penis is your penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
