My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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