Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
