Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
how drunk are you?
Several
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
