Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
