I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
