Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Come share oat with me in your robe
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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