Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
