I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
