Sry I called you an 8
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
