why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
