the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
