Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
