am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
