CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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