Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
