Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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