Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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