when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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