I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
