connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize