and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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