no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
